Goucher Onion: The Goucher Fox Transfers to American

By: Destiny Lugardo
The Goucher Fox has reportedly decided to transfer to American University in Washington D.C. for the Spring semester. The beloved mammal had been a main staple on campus since its bizarre arrival a few semesters ago. At the height of the Fox’s popularity, the critter arguably outshined both Mortimer the Gopher and all of Jose Bowen’s dogs as Goucher’s most renowned mascot figure.

“I’m grateful for the time I spent here. This experience was definitely an interesting one, but I think I regret my initial decision to come to the school,” said the Fox during an exclusive interview with The Goucher Eye. The Goucher Fox, who uses they, them pronouns, was not shy about holding back their grievances about the school.

“I had a great group of friends, but that just wasn’t enough to keep me here. I didn’t feel like I had fit in well with the rest of campus. Goucher attracts a homogenous group of students and I didn’t fit into that mold.” When asked to elaborate on campus culture, the Goucher Fox obliged.

“It’s just so tough being the only full-time, non-human student at Goucher. Of course, the students here appreciated my presence at the school and accepted me, but they didn’t know how to relate to me the way another fox would. I wish Goucher would diversify its student body in the coming years and admit more students like me.”

When asked whether or not they faced any discrimination from Goucher students, the Fox shared an example of an eye-opening encounter. “One time, I was walking to Stimson from my peace studies class and all of a sudden, this girl starts screaming and was like “Oh shit, it’s a fox!” and then proceeded to run from her group of friends, drop her Santa Fe from Alice’s, and climbed into an open window in Bennett. I assumed it wasn’t her dorm because I heard another girl scream in horror along with her.”

The Fox added that despite the isolated incident and occasional stares, the Goucher community had treated them well. At the end of the interview, the Goucher Fox wanted to emphasize that campus culture wasn’t the singular reason as to why they decided to transfer to American University.

“I was tired of paying around 4,000 dollars for a dorm room with no AC that’s being drilled into at 6 am every school morning. I felt like the academics were good, but not great enough for my career prospects and the financial aid just wasn’t enough to stay. The administrative offices and my professors tried their best to get me to stay here, but I didn’t entice.”

The Fox, however, wanted to extend their gratitude to those who made their Goucher experience a lot more bearable.

“This is truly a great school with a lot of wonderful people who made my bushy tail wag. I appreciate those who stayed up late with me in the Ath studying and those who invited me to their lame house parties.”

On a final note, the Fox elaborated on why they chose American University out of all possible choices.

“I want to go into a career in politics, so getting closer to D.C. is a must. Other than that, I don’t really know… Honestly, I’ll probably be worse off there, and my ass will be back here by next year.”

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