Goucher Onion: Goucher Students More Likely to Rely on Construction Noise To Wake Them Up, According to Survey

Article Written by Destiny Lugardo

A recent survey conducted by the Office of Residential Life has found that more and more students are now relying on construction noise to wake up rather than actual alarm clocks.

“There’s nothing like the sound of middle-aged men in hard hats yelling vague profanities at each other at 6:30 am,” said one Mary Fisher resident. After multiple semesters of vibrating dorm rooms and sleepless nights, Goucher students are finally learning to live comfortably with the noise.

“Yeah, I used to have a really hard time with all the noise,” recalled one student the Goucher Eye caught up with as they were leaving Alice’s before arriving 45 minutes late to class. “I once looked into buying this machine that literally creates a bubble a silence around me, that’s how bad it was. But then I found it costs $100,000, which is almost one year’s worth of tuition.”

Goucher students are so well adjusted to construction noise to were they even rely on the noise in their daily lives. When asked if they agreed whether or not construction noise or phone alarms are more likely to wake them up in the morning, Goucher students overwhelmingly sided with construction noise.

“I can just leave my phone alarm on for hours and I wouldn’t move until I skipped all my classes that day. But if I were hearing the sound of hammers for 45 minutes straight, my ass would be in one of those Julia Rogers’ chairs at 8am prompto, even if the class started at 9:25,” said one Pagliaro Selz resident.

The Office of Residential Life are reportedly looking into altering the roommate questionnaire.

“Instead of asking: Are you a smoker or non-smoker, we’ll probably ask: Are you really into the sound bulldozers make when they back up?”

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