Goucher Onion: Mortimer the Gopher Finds Seasonal Job As Sad Mall Easter Bunny

Article by Destiny Lugardo

A source has told the Goucher Eye that former college mascot, Mortimer the Gopher, was spotted working as an easter bunny at the Towson Town Center Mall.

“He looked so sad,” said our source, who is a current Junior at Goucher. “Nobody was in line to see him for awhile and the one kid who did pose with him was a twat who grabbed his nose.”

Last semester, it was announced in a news conference with then Director of Athletics, Geoff Miller, that Mortimer would be replaced as Goucher’s mascot. Mortimer’s successor, Rowdy, the young and buff gopher with a more corporate appeal, seems to be doing okay in his new role.

“I think there is some animosity between Mortimer and Rowdy,” the source continued. “He [Rowdy] just came out of nowhere and took his job. I don’t buy that he retired. Maybe Mortimer became too expensive and they instead chose to replace him with a debt ridden millennial who has to work for a lower wage just out of school.”

Ever since his debut at the college in 1991, Mortimer’s subtle charm has captured the hearts of all Goucher student, even the ones who don’t go to any of the games. He doesn’t seem to be having the same success in his other endeavors, however.

“I really hope that pension is treating him well.”


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